bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
