I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
