Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
