Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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