it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
how drunk are you?
Several
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize