now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
