Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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