My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
