No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
