Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
