I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
