it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
