I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
