Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
