its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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