It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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