I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
