Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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