Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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