He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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