but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
