Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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