oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
