Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
