anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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