im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
