just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
not ubering you a puppy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
