just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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