When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
