I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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