so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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