dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
