i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
