I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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