He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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