the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
