is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
