is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
