You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
