if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
