my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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