Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
