Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
