I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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