I think my vagina is haunted
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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