i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
