Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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