did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
