Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
