just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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