Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
