Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
