I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize