and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
