best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
