Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
