My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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