I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
