a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
