you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
