dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
