While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
