Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
