he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
