I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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