Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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