I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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